Sadhana

Soft and gentle does it.

This is the line that has been flashing through my head over the last few days.

It all started with the "Body in Balance" TV channel around the time Kee was born. Hubs pointed out programmes by a Kundalini Yoga teacher named Maya Fiennes. I did the exercises once in a while if the following actions were in complete alignment - switching on the tv, flipping to that particular channel and that particular programme being on. As action number one is in itself a rare occurence in this household since the arrival of Kee, Kundalini Yoga never had even a long shot at getting me hooked.

Life went on - motherhood engulfed me - joyousness, love and a very very steep learning curve. A few months ago, I felt the need to find something to help me relax as life was now trying to take over completely. My fingers and remote control buttons lead me back to Maya Fiennes. I ordered one of her DVDs and started doing the exercises in it about 2-3 times a week. It helped tremendously, but after a few weeks, it started getting a little monotonous and so I ordered the whole set.

Doing Kundalini Yoga 2-3 times a week suddenly did not seem enough. I decided to start waking up an hour earlier every morning so I could indulge myself. And now it is a commitment to myself - a sadhana.

"What is sadhana? It’s a committed prayer. It is something which you want to do, have to do, and which is being done by you. … Sadhana is self-enrichment. It is not something which is done to please somebody or to gain something. Sadhana is a personal process in which you bring out your best." ~ Yogi Bhajan

Why has it become something I simply must do? Why is it so compelling?

At the risk of sounding totally "new-aged", it refreshes my body, mind and spirit. It makes me smile on a not-so-great day (sounds like a first crush minus the anxiety!!) It brings peace to my heart. It does something that all the sleep in the world cannot do for me. Yes, that sentence oozed out from MY fingertips!!! Are you gobsmacked, considering that until Kee came along, my love for slumber was the stuff legends are made of?

Anyway, the point I am trying to make (No, no, I am not getting a commission if you buy the DVDs too ;)) is that we all need something that we simply have to do - not because it's good for us or because it's a duty - but as a way of getting in touch with ourselves, building awareness of how we feel about things and why we react and respond in certain ways. It is the "me" time we all deserve and the medium can be any activity that brings us joy and for which we will somehow dig out time everyday, no matter what. Running, writing, singing, dancing, painting, praying, bungee jumping, sky-diving, skiing, mountaineering etc etc - anything can be your sadhana - anything can be that something which makes you tick - anything can be your life-force.

We all deserve it. So try out something and make that commitment.

And in the process, be kind and gentle with yourself. There is nothing to achieve or prove - this is personal. And the world is full of critics - don't be your own worst enemy by criticising the way you spend your "me" time. We all make mistakes everyday - isn't it time we do something to build a gentle awareness of our actions, to see which of our actions we are not so happy with so that the next time around, we can catch ourselves in the act and maybe gently stop that very action? This paragraph is really a reminder to myself (not a lecture to ye all) that.......

Soft and gentle does it.

Frozen mother moment

I am feeling the after-effects of the BIG FREEZE we had in the UK - my gut feels frozen, my fingers, my thoughts, my self-motivation et al - a delayed reaction considering the ice has all thawed and we had a surprisingly warm-ish week between Xmas and New Year.

I am forcing the wheels in my mind to move ...creaaak..ccreeeeaakkk - my fingers are not having any trouble keeping up at the moment, even in their numbed state. Spewing out my thoughts will cheer me up, but why oh why are they are not even a trickle yet??

"Delete and run" is the message my brain is shouting out - "you have nothing to say"...

"Go easy on yourself hon", my heart says. "Gently does it...."

It's crossroads time - be overwhelmed and cry or sing a silly song and smile......
Hey girl, being a mother, and a full-time one at that, is all about being overwhelmed - overwhelmed by tiredness many times, by frustration on rare occasions, by guilt when you feel you are not doing enough...... but through it all, the most overwhelming sensation is this immeasurable love that hits you - wave after wave - even when you want it to stop for a minute so you can get a break from always always wanting to do your very best for your child - ALL THE TIME.

"Sing.. sing a song.. make it simple to last your while life long....
Don't worry that its not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing.. sing a song.." - Carpenters......

So what now... keep singing - song after song .. keep typing - word after word....

And some minutes later (I'll spare you the list of songs I went through), I suddenly realise how silly I'm being... being overwhelmed by love ain't a thing to moan about, now is it!! Heehhee haahaaaa........... So what if I sometimes feel exhausted from stretching higher for Kee all the time, so what if I feel I can't keep up sometimes - that's motherhood baby!!! you know what I'm sayin' ............ I am blessed to be a mother and THAT is the bottom line. Smile - it all makes sense....

Thank you Kee.

And Happy New Year to you and me!!!