This moment

The kids are in bed, husband away on work, dishwasher loaded.... a million more things on my "to do" list...but it is one of those very rare, and therefore precious, moments filled with peace...

So I choose to savour it with a mug of steaming hot, deliciously spiced herbal tea.. feel the warm liquid travelling joyously down my throat.... listen to the clock ticking... actually pause to feel and listen to my breath... close my eyes... ..

Open them again to carry on typing... hug this moment close to me filled with gratitude for all my blessings.... I do my fair share of moaning in life...but not now.......

This moment is for celebrating the joy that is my life.

This moment is to enjoy the overwhelming love expanding within me and flowing outwards.

This moment is for dancing with the positive energy of love and life.

This moment is for realising that all I need to do is have more and more of these moments... more and more and more until they lightly brush against each other like bubbles filled with the colours of the rainbow....

After all, life is..... this moment.

Maybe that's me too

I remember reading a book called "One" by Richard Back years ago and have a vague memory of it being about parallel realities and choices.

The choices I have made at various points in my life have led me here in this reality. But what if there are many Priti(s) existing on parallel planes at the same time - in different scenarios and roles based on different choices and paths taken at each crossroad... hmmmmmmmm...... how gobsmackingly cool is that!!

What are the parallel "me's" doing?

One is a healer for sure - not a doctor per se...... oh no... something way more exciting- maybe even a witch specialising in herbs, natural remedies and embracing the magic of the Universe.... now I know why I love the witches and fairies make-believe games Kee and I play ;-)

The Priti who pursued intellectual challenges may now be a genius mathematician - the modern female Da Vinci, dabbling in art and science ... he he he... if wishes were horses and pigs could fly..............Maybe Priti is a writer, a musician, a vagabond, a mechanic, a farmer, a chef, a businesswoman, a daredevil stuntwoman ooooooooh yes.... Infinite possibilities and realities......... liberating!

Makes me smile... one thing I do know - like this Priti, every parallel me is learning new and exciting stuff. Right now, this "me" is learning to understand what it may be like to relax and go with the flow - to trust life and accept all new experiences as a gift on this exciting journey... yeeeeehaw... let's ride baby!

Grey matter

Short on time tonight, so will get straight to the point -  Growing older has its perks. Oh yes, it does too!  As I was looking for something to read tonight, I came across something that hit home right away. Wham! It literally knocked the breath out of me.  "Truth is best served by recognizing a viewpoint as only a viewpoint, and refraining from taking that extra step of regarding it as true to the exclusion of all other views. In other words, all views—even correct views—are best held gently, rather than grasped firmly." I have been guilty of wanting the world to see some things my way and dealt with disappointment when my goldmine was not regarded as hot property by all and sundry. The classic "how can you not see what I see here" syndrome - to the point of turning a cold shoulder on a handful of very dear people in my life.  Time, and some other very dear and wiser souls, have slowly made me realise that everyone's viewpoint is correct from where they stand, based on life experiences, upbringing, etc.  I am learning to laugh at my earlier zeal.  My convictions are still strong and I stand by them. But I now see the wisdom of going about things quietly and, hopefully as still more time goes by, with grace.  Total gratitude happening here - to all those people and moments (even the ones with the bitter aftertaste) - for bringing me where I am and teaching me the true meaning of tolerance and acceptance.  Heavy stuff eh? And I have paid the price - more than a few grey on this hothead ;-) - Maybe I should give up on hair colour and display the grey matter with pride. Yeah right!..... like I am ready to give up the right to a little vanity....hah! Wisdom in small doses please.....

The 'web' of my life

Here I am on a monday night - there is a long list of things I HAVE to do before I go to bed and my almost 6-month old is teething with a runny nose and fever AND hubby is away - going by last night's example, there will be night wakings galore - so why am I HERE on Monday night insted of speedily zipping through the "have-to-be-done's"??

It's just one of those evenings - my moment of being compelled to share from within and as I start typing, I have no clue what that sharing even is......

In the last four years, life has taken me down completely new and unexpected avenues - each time, I make a decision that goes against the norm, I have several moments of panic, wondering if I am equipped to do what I am setting out to do......... but somewhere underneath that layer of chaotic and nervous thoughts, there must be an ingrained faith that I have been blissfully unaware of - a belief deep down that the tools for the job will find their way to me. Why else would I make decisions which would seem crazy, not only to most people I know, but even to the "me" I was a few years ago?

My latest fear was my inadequacy to be organised and methodical enough to take on homeschooling my girls. I will not go into the "why on earth would I do that" aspect of this - it is a long and mostly joyous journey that brought hubby and me to that decision. And it is wholly stimulating, exciting and rewarding... but naturally, quite scary too.

Coming back to the point, the tools have arrived, as they usually do, sometimes sooner and sometimes later. Sometimes, they are already here and it just takes me a while to realise that.

Most of the time, I have found solutions, only thanks to hitting that search button on google over and over.

For a person who does not consider herself very tech-savvy, I have a lot to thank the internet for. After all, I would be living a very different life if hubby and I hadn't found each other on shaadi.com ;)

So, I guess this post is my thanksgiving to the land of computing.

Here's to faith, technology and the 'web' of my life - Cheers!
All izz well.

Sadhana

Soft and gentle does it.

This is the line that has been flashing through my head over the last few days.

It all started with the "Body in Balance" TV channel around the time Kee was born. Hubs pointed out programmes by a Kundalini Yoga teacher named Maya Fiennes. I did the exercises once in a while if the following actions were in complete alignment - switching on the tv, flipping to that particular channel and that particular programme being on. As action number one is in itself a rare occurence in this household since the arrival of Kee, Kundalini Yoga never had even a long shot at getting me hooked.

Life went on - motherhood engulfed me - joyousness, love and a very very steep learning curve. A few months ago, I felt the need to find something to help me relax as life was now trying to take over completely. My fingers and remote control buttons lead me back to Maya Fiennes. I ordered one of her DVDs and started doing the exercises in it about 2-3 times a week. It helped tremendously, but after a few weeks, it started getting a little monotonous and so I ordered the whole set.

Doing Kundalini Yoga 2-3 times a week suddenly did not seem enough. I decided to start waking up an hour earlier every morning so I could indulge myself. And now it is a commitment to myself - a sadhana.

"What is sadhana? It’s a committed prayer. It is something which you want to do, have to do, and which is being done by you. … Sadhana is self-enrichment. It is not something which is done to please somebody or to gain something. Sadhana is a personal process in which you bring out your best." ~ Yogi Bhajan

Why has it become something I simply must do? Why is it so compelling?

At the risk of sounding totally "new-aged", it refreshes my body, mind and spirit. It makes me smile on a not-so-great day (sounds like a first crush minus the anxiety!!) It brings peace to my heart. It does something that all the sleep in the world cannot do for me. Yes, that sentence oozed out from MY fingertips!!! Are you gobsmacked, considering that until Kee came along, my love for slumber was the stuff legends are made of?

Anyway, the point I am trying to make (No, no, I am not getting a commission if you buy the DVDs too ;)) is that we all need something that we simply have to do - not because it's good for us or because it's a duty - but as a way of getting in touch with ourselves, building awareness of how we feel about things and why we react and respond in certain ways. It is the "me" time we all deserve and the medium can be any activity that brings us joy and for which we will somehow dig out time everyday, no matter what. Running, writing, singing, dancing, painting, praying, bungee jumping, sky-diving, skiing, mountaineering etc etc - anything can be your sadhana - anything can be that something which makes you tick - anything can be your life-force.

We all deserve it. So try out something and make that commitment.

And in the process, be kind and gentle with yourself. There is nothing to achieve or prove - this is personal. And the world is full of critics - don't be your own worst enemy by criticising the way you spend your "me" time. We all make mistakes everyday - isn't it time we do something to build a gentle awareness of our actions, to see which of our actions we are not so happy with so that the next time around, we can catch ourselves in the act and maybe gently stop that very action? This paragraph is really a reminder to myself (not a lecture to ye all) that.......

Soft and gentle does it.

Frozen mother moment

I am feeling the after-effects of the BIG FREEZE we had in the UK - my gut feels frozen, my fingers, my thoughts, my self-motivation et al - a delayed reaction considering the ice has all thawed and we had a surprisingly warm-ish week between Xmas and New Year.

I am forcing the wheels in my mind to move ...creaaak..ccreeeeaakkk - my fingers are not having any trouble keeping up at the moment, even in their numbed state. Spewing out my thoughts will cheer me up, but why oh why are they are not even a trickle yet??

"Delete and run" is the message my brain is shouting out - "you have nothing to say"...

"Go easy on yourself hon", my heart says. "Gently does it...."

It's crossroads time - be overwhelmed and cry or sing a silly song and smile......
Hey girl, being a mother, and a full-time one at that, is all about being overwhelmed - overwhelmed by tiredness many times, by frustration on rare occasions, by guilt when you feel you are not doing enough...... but through it all, the most overwhelming sensation is this immeasurable love that hits you - wave after wave - even when you want it to stop for a minute so you can get a break from always always wanting to do your very best for your child - ALL THE TIME.

"Sing.. sing a song.. make it simple to last your while life long....
Don't worry that its not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Just sing.. sing a song.." - Carpenters......

So what now... keep singing - song after song .. keep typing - word after word....

And some minutes later (I'll spare you the list of songs I went through), I suddenly realise how silly I'm being... being overwhelmed by love ain't a thing to moan about, now is it!! Heehhee haahaaaa........... So what if I sometimes feel exhausted from stretching higher for Kee all the time, so what if I feel I can't keep up sometimes - that's motherhood baby!!! you know what I'm sayin' ............ I am blessed to be a mother and THAT is the bottom line. Smile - it all makes sense....

Thank you Kee.

And Happy New Year to you and me!!!

An overflow of fut-thoughts

It's been a hormonal, lack-of-patience, tiring weekend for me even though we had a lot of fun moments too. One of the bonuses is the excellent weather - mild seventeen degree warmth. Bobby and Kee are at the park while I sit on our doorstep relaxing in the warm evening sunshine.

At times like this, when hormones are running helter-skelter (thank God such days are rare or I'd be a basket-case!!), even the Doman way cannot give me the answer of how to remain calm and see things through Kee's eyes instead of my own. This is when I need something deeper to take over from within myself, when I simply want time to stand still so I can turn my focus inwards.

Well, time ain't gonna wait and suddenly, as I write, I realise the answer is right here. When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do is put pen on paper and by the time I have filled a page or two, life is looking up once more and I am well on my way back to being bubbly and happy.

Writing does for me what singing or dancing does for many others. It calms my soul. And it always always works like a magic formula. My writing ability comes directly from my feelings, hence sporadic blogging works well for me.

I have to wonder, though, can I discipline myself to write more often and on any subject simply by researching the topic? Or is it better for me to simply carry on as is - writing when feelings and thoughts overwhelm me and have to flow outwards?

The answer is straight-forward. For the present moment, while I am enjoying being a full-time professional mother, busy prepaing materials and teaching Kee, I'll stick to using writing as my spirit-therapy and to share that which will not be contained within. As to the future, who knows what surprises are waiting right around the corner.

Time to get back to making bits of intelligence and reading cards - learning, teaching and having lots of fun. Catch you the next time I feel compelled to share. Au revoir mon ami.